I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
