Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
