Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
