So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
