Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
