I want to stick my p in your. b.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
