umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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