it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
