Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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