can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
