Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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