Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
