I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He felt like a one man threesome
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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