R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
