i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
