The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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