Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
