i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
