idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
