Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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