So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I CAN MOONWALK!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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