Whod you bang
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You can't special order awesome
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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