6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
4 words: hood of his car
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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