well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
