Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
