The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
