I hate all girls vehemently.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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