don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
