I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
