the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
