HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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