Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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