I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
