Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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