umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
