Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
