Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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