I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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