Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
