Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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