were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
