How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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