found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
