I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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