You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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