Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
