i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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