i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
