doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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