You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
