Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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