Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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