So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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