Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
