This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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