hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
