Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
