While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it was like eating out sand paper
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
